Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Step two in my AA program

2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
How am I to tackle this one? A few people had told me that it would be easier for me to find my higher power because I didn't have any spiritual upbringing. I didn't understand them then, but I get it now. I didn't have any preconceived notions that I would have to change.
So I decided to dissect this step and do some research.
I already knew what "Came to believe" meant. 'That a power greater than ourselves..." whoa, gotta stop there. Sure, there has to be something there. After all, it's clear that the human race has always needed to believe there was something larger than life. Without this belief, than what was the point to life?
Then, everyone couldn't believe in the same "GOD" or even agree on the same values. Thus, we have a myriad of religions that are so different, its hard to believe that they could all possibly stem from one single Higher Power. But who or what then? I set to looking into different religions. Native Americans believe in the Great Spirit. Which is something like what I have always believed it. Comparable to Buddhism. At least what I get outta it. There is no way I could possibly swallow Catholic. I didn't even try. I use the excuse, "I'm catholic", when I'm trying to get outta something. lol
On to Baptist and so on... I tried swallowing that to no avail. (I even chewed good) But I still choked and every so often threw up. LMAO I crack myself up!!
I didn't even try Pagan and the like.
So that left me with a better understanding of what I am not.
I decided that it must be a God of my understanding. Just as I was told in the beginning. But of course I had to complicate it. Though I needed to because I didn't even have an understanding to begin with. I'm not sure that my G.O.D. fits into any category. But at last it is mine.

Continuing. .....
"could restore us to sanity." I continued to dissect this.
Was I insane? I thought of insane as crazy. Unfixable, needing meds. Like silence of the lambs nuts. But.... I got some definitions that helped me better understand this.
Insane- mentally disordered, absurd
Insanity- deranged state of mind, unsoundness of mind, lack of understanding
Sane- rational, having understanding, mentally sound
Restore- give back, put again in possession of something. (G.O.D?)
Looking at these terms in a new light. I know I have that insanity. My thinking is absurd. Knowing what alcohol does to me. And still looking to the bottle for answers. Thats insane!

I believe that there is something out there that gives us this beautiful world. My G.O.D can do better at managing my life and affairs than I can. After all, it was my best thinking and intentions that got me here. My G.O.D can restore order, understanding, purpose, and peace of mind.
I use an acronym, so as not to confuse you. Well it won't confuse AA's. The rest of you perhaps.
I use the term G O D loosely. A common acronym for Good Orderly Direction. Which is a Higher Power of my understanding. Not to be confused with the God that is commonly worshiped in religion. Anything that is higher than me and that restores sanity to my life is my Good Orderly Direction, or G.O.D for short, for lack of a label.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

"I believe that there is something out there that gives us this beautiful world. My G.O.D can do better at managing my life and affairs than I can. After all, it was my best thinking and intentions that got me here. My G.O.D can restore order, understanding, purpose, and peace of mind."

Sounds like the God I believe in.

=)

i like what you said about insanity. we're ALL insane in some sense because we all do what we don't want to do.. and what we want to do, we don't do (my paraphrase of some verses in the bible.)