Continued

I called CPS early the next morning and left a message requesting they move my children to my dear friends house. They also happen to be the people who adopted my youngest son. (I felt at that time in my life that I couldn't support another child).

She checked into it and fortunately able to get the paperwork, home visit, and background checks through before evening, and the kids were able to go there the same night! They were so happy to be there.

I owe Holly (my friend) immensely!!!!!! After she picked them up, we met at my local Ryans for dinner. I was thrilled to be able to see them and have dinner. It was a nice happy time and parting wasn't so hard. Once again I wanted that beer on the way home. Once again I resisted!!!
Yay me! My thinking at that point was, my children were more important. That line of thought was working.

I went on Saturday to see the kids, I stayed from about 4:30 to 10:30 pm. It was awkward. Usually, my whole family goes over to visit. This time I was going to visit my family. They were somber. I took over most of the meat in my freezer to help them out since I wouldn't have to be cooking such large meals. We ate dinner together, played cards and talked. Watched some TV. I held Kylee for a long time. She was sad.

Holly confided in me that Kylee had a talk with her earlier. I dont know if she told me everything, but she told me enough. The basic jist of it was that my daughter wanted out. Away from me. She didn't feel like she had a mom. I told Holly that I had never felt that bond with her the way I should have. That doesn't mean I dont love her. Kylee has told four people, four different stories (foster mom, Holly, CPS, me). I wondered for a while if maybe I could discredit her. After all, my sister and my mom have serious mental problems. I thought with her being 13, it was possible that she was showing some dillusion. But I dont think that will matter. Point being, she is obviously unhappy. She also confessed that she has had sex once! WHAT?? With who? When? OMG!!! Is this another lie?

I found out that the school is the one who called CPS. Apparantly Kylee had a talk with the councelor about my drinking. Along with the fact that she had missed so many days of school. About 5 because I drank too much the night before and didn't get them to bed in time. Then couldn't get them up in the AM. The rest a combo of her being sick, and her not wanting to go and saying she was sick.

This brings me to why they took them. Back in October of last year, my bf Jason, also an alchie, and I got in a fight. He packed his shit, put it in the car and said he was leaving. He had a gun and put it to his head. Kylee got scared and called her Grandma to come get her. Grandma doesnt like he or I. Grandma calls cops, says he put a gun to kids head and said he would shoot them if they didn't leave. BULLSHIT. However this is on record now and CPS said, no more Jason around kids. They told me if he came back, I needed to call them or they would take my kids. Well when he got out of jail, he came back, I didn't call. My kids are gone.

I had bailed him out in December. He was supposed to go to court in January, so I thought we could get away with it until then. However, court was delayed over and over until May. He is looking at 5 years for having a weapon under disability. They are gonna hang him with that BULLSHIT comment. I feel bad for him. He has a great heart. The best I've ever dated.

The night I lost my kids we talked and decided it was best that he leave. He is living in a pop up camper in his friends back yard. He is sick as a dog, and just exsisting until his court date.

I have been ordered to stay away from him. They are going to make me take a breathalizer daily for two years. The place I need to go for this doesn't open until 8am. I go to work at 7. I don't know how I am going to work this out. I also need to complete counceling. I called on Friday to set up everything myself, before they ordered me to. I thought this would look better to them. But I'm not getting any high 5's, let me tell ya.