I think the biggest thing that has changed since the kids have been gone is all the extra time I have on my hands. I am living just to take care of myself. There is a first for everything I guess.
I get home from work to an empty (and clean) house. I don't know what to do. There is PLENTY that needs done, but I keep saying, "it will be there tomarrow".
Usually when I get home, I start right away on supper. I have only made supper twice in the last two weeks now. I think that I should spend some time on myself perhaps. Take some head clearing walks. Get some exercise, lose some weight.
My goal is to be able to keep the same chore and discipline and reward routine when the kids come home as they have now. I wont be able to do that if I am still a mess. I have still not drank to get drunk. But I find the urge for alcohol creeping in everyday. Just before all this happen I had gotten a taste for the Sparks energy/alcohol drinks. Now I crave them. I dont want yucky beer, I want this tasty alternative. I cannot drink enough of those to get buzzed though. But I find myself drinking them anyway. Still not a good idea. I am sure that even though I am not tipsy from them, that the CPS would still use it against me.
I had been taking a new depression medication for the past 5 months or so. They seem to be helping. This is the FIRST one that has helped in ten + years. Of course I hit a big downhill spiral when they took my kids. They left me feeling hopeless and helpless and worthless and lifeless and, well you got the idea.
I hope things improve soon.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment