Slow down, Breathe....Breathe...

O.K. I am breathing again (for the time being). I talked to my counselor on Wednesday and she put me at ease. I went in like a babbling idiot and came out with a little confidence.
I started out our conversation with "OMG my daughter hates me, she doesn't want to come home, she is in love with my (almost) stepson who took advantage of her, she wants to live with Holly, should I let her go? How do I let her go, should I fight for my son, how can I fight for him and not her? What do I do? Damon is doing better at this new school and they are trying to say now that it was his home life that was the problem before." And there was more I'm sure.

She sat back and smiled that smile she has. And said, "First of all, you don't have to decide any of that right now." Her words of wisdom continued, and worked there magic. WHEW!!!

I thought It would be hopeless to try to repair my relationship with Kylee (although I am determined) in time for her to come home AND be happy at home. Thinking about it now, what was so bad about home anyway? She is 13 and confused.

My therapist ( I know I called her counselor earlier, but I like the sound of therapist better) made a reminder for me to hang up that sums up our session. It says...

1. I love my children and am willing to do whatever it takes to get them home.
2. I need to focus on things that I can do to improve my relationship with my children, especially Kylee.
3. I have made some poor decisions in the past but that does not make everything I've done for my children a failure. I've made positive choices trying to improve my relationship with them like Strengthening Families.
4. Damon was having difficulty at school because of problems getting school to follow through with his IEP.
5. I don't need to worry about where my children want to live. I need to focus on making sure that everything I do gets me closer to my goal of having them home.

She told me to start by telling Kylee that I don't feel like we have the kind of relationship that I would like to have with her and I want to know what she thinks we can do to improve it.

So I did that. Kylee was responsive and sounded like she wanted to hear that. There's the first step. Now to continue to think of ways to connect.

Strengthening Families was a summer long program that our family went to last year. It focused on just what the name of the class is. The very first thing we learned was... 1. Tell each of your children everyday at least 3 things that you noticed them doing that made you proud. 2. Spend at least 15 minutes one on one with each child, doing only what they want to do, without correcting what they are doing 'wrong" in your eyes. Simple enough right? It did make a world of difference in our day to day life. The kids felt better about themselves and I felt like a more positive parent. Only, after the class is over, those things kinda start to fade and old ways take over.
She also put me to the challenge of finding out who I am. Good question right? I have been a parent since I was 17. I don't know what or who else to be. I am lost without the kids at home. I don't know what to do with myself. So my new goal is to write everyday, aside from here, about things that I am and things I want to be. Things I want to do. Things I like. I haven't started yet. But today is as good as any!

So for the time being, I have some relief and some hope. I am breathing slowly again. My puffy eyes, from crying so much, have gone back to looking almost human. My headache is gone.