You learn something new everyday

I have always known that alcoholism was a disease. Lots of people will argue that, but once you have been there you know its true. Yesterday, I heard the phrase, "Its a family disease". I had never thought of it that way.
Actually listening to my children tell me how they felt when I was drinking has had a big impact on me. Almost as much so as my drinking had on them. I thought I was doing everything the same as when I was sober, just with a beer in my hand. I had not understood how dissapointed they were in me. How left out they felt. To them, the beer was more important than they were. And while thats sounds obsurd to me, they are right.
The first month of sobriety was easy for me. I think it was because my kids were freshly removed. But now that my emotions, thoughts, and routines have settled back to "normal", I have a hard time filling in the gaps when I would normally drink. Keeping myself busy and dealing with my craving is the best thing to do, but with dysthymia (chronic depression), I lack the motivation to actually busy myself.
I have started by moving in very slow steps. Like, while watching tv, at commercial, Ill take the trash to the door. Then next commercial, I'll run a bag out. Same next commercial, then with the last bag, light it. (It has been raining for two weeks here so I had a lot of trash). Sounds lazy, perhaps I have become so, but it got the job done. It was a minor accomplishment, but a necessary one to start down my new sober life.

I have 4 bushes to plant, I've had them for a month just sitting there. Perhaps, I will start on those next. One a day maybe?